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SEX, SOCIETY & THE DISABLED
American society is trying so hard to accommodate its disabled population. Ramps have been constructed for new buildings, handlebars have been installed in public rest rooms,and wheelchairs lifts appear in some public buses. Employers are finally starting to recognize that people with disabilities can be productive and be an asset to their business-- even though some hire them to avoid legal suits. And the educational mainstreaming process is going full blast, with disabled kids being transferred from special schools to regular public ones. But what about sex? Somehow our American culture--and probably other cultures as well--cannot associate being disabled with being sexual. Some people think since we can't walk or have good dexterity, we don't experience orgasms or erections. Although the latter holds true for people who are paralyzed,
not all disabled people are paralyzed. Most of us can make love like
"normal" people. Even those of us who are paralyzed and thus can't
feel anything below the waist can still "make love" by hugging, kissing,
and touching. Yet society does not know or understand that.
If one is in a wheelchair, it is automatically assumed that the individual
cannot make love or cannot satisfy the other person, especially if the
latter is able-bodied. Accordingly, there's this idea
that people who have disabilities have to date and marry others like them,
just as African Americans have to marry other African Americans.
When a beautiful, able-bodied woman becomes involved with a handsome
disabled man, people tend to ask the following questions: Is she that desperate
for a man? How do they make love? How can she find him attractive?
Of course, these brilliant inquiries can also target an able-bodied man
going with a disabled woman.
The media has a tremendous impact on fostering the misconception of disabled
people being asexual. Take the Miss America or Miss USA pageant.
Now there's a non-bias show! Notice who are the contestants: women
who have perfect legs, perfect arms, perfect eyes and, yes, perfect speech--although
most of them don't show perfect sense in their perfect speech.
To compensate for the lack of imperfect women, some sympathetic- more like
pathetic actually--genius created the Miss Wheelchair American pageant.
Gee, our own separate pageant. At least if we compete among ourselves,
we can be certain one of us disabled girls will win. After all, if
we compete in one of the televised pageants, the judges are liable to give
us a low score for not standing up straight--or not standing at all.
Men's and women's magazines also fuel the misconception of asexuality for
not standing up straight--or not standing at all. Men's and
women's magazines also fuel the misconception of asexuality being prevalent
within the disabled sector. Playboy, for example, made a feeble
attempt in showing that disabled women can be sexy by having a centerfold
of one. Ironically, the legs of the centerfold model were covered.
More hypocritically, she didn't even pose in her wheelchair. I guess
Playboy was afraid to show her real beauty, figuring she'd outshine
the "normal" models and redefine sexuality altogether. At least it tried.
Movies and television programs are worse. Born on the Fourth of
July and Coming Home have been the only films which confirmed
paralyzed men definitely can satisfy women's sex drives. Except for
these two instances, when was the last time a physically disabled person
appeared in a passionate love scene? Ironside didn't even get a chance
to sweep women off their feet as other TV, detectives do. TV, probably
dares to show such scenes because people would view them as either kinky,
offensive, or just not arousing enough. Gee, maybe Madonna should
have included us in her book. There's even a dating service for the
disabled. Give me a break!
Are we so hard up that we have to establish our own mate mill to
seek romantic fulfillment? Like the creator of Miss Wheelchair America,
the founder of this dating service figured the able-bodied single population
is too picky, looking for only those who can walk and talk. Since
the service explicitly targets people with disabilities and those who want
to date them, it screams, "These are people who can't get companionship."
Only when society can look beyond crutches and wheelchairs to realize that
people who have disabilities are sexual beings, we can openly ask others,
both disabled and able-bodied, to go out, get married, or share our physical
desire without ridicule or segregation. Only then can accessibility
reach its height. |